We think of habits being what we do. But really, habits indicate who we are. In Atomic Habits Jame Clear illustrates three circles. Imagine the inside circle being identity, the middle circle processes (our habits), and the outer circle outcomes…impacts that are visible to the world around us.
Too often we focus on what’s visible to the world – the promotion, or marathon medal. But who do you want to be? A runner, a writer, a fun parent, a friend who listens instead of tells? A traveller, a saver-for-retirement, a from-scratch cook, or a wine connoisseur? An inspirational leader, an includer, a collaborator, a colleague who becomes a friend?
Instead of leaving these as dreams (Shonda Rhimes told Dartmouth graduating class to “ditch the dream: be a do-er, not a dreamer”), for ‘one day’, or when you have time for them, identify someone you want to be and prove to yourself you are that person, become that person, by implementing an aligned habit.
If you want to be an includer, track the opportunities you have and take each day to include others. Longing to be the guy who goes home from work on time? Set a target over a two week period (how many days out of ten would be possible?) and hit it – or at least try. If you want to be a writer, write for five minutes every day (or ten, or thirty). If you want to be a traveler, open a savings pot, pop a picture of a dream destination, and start putting in the same amount as your morning coffee, every day.
To make this possible, start with the smallest action that help you define your new identity – BJ Fogg calls these micro-habits (his book, Tiny Habits, is a must read if you want to know more about how to cultivate them).
True behaviour change is a change in identity – change who you are by changing your habits, and don’t underestimate the ripple effect in changing the world.
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